Category: News

Your chance to see fabulous Renegade Monk cheese made on Horsington Marsh. How about tours when we all settle down?

If you fancy a VE day celebratory walk on Sunday and happen to go past the Half Moon, then come and enjoy a socially distanced glass of Pimms and a delicious gelato, courtesy of Andrew at the Half Moon and Philippa at Ecco Gelato.

They will be serving Pimms, (and soft drinks) plus gelato from the Ecco Gelato bike in the open space outside the pub. Free!

Please observe the social distancing rules and stay safe.

Thank you, Andrew and Philippa -Ed

 The Blog has acquired some Coronavirus advice from a top London practitioner of Chinese reflexology, Rosanna Bickerton BSc (hons) FMAR,MDYTA, which we are happy to pass on.  

“Traditional Chinese Medicine tells us that living in wet and cold areas causes an imbalance in yin and yang internally. This virus, like many others, likes ‘cold and damp’ conditions so it is important to be/eat ‘hot and dry’ food to reduce the symptoms and have some sunlight. Our amazing human bodies are so clever. When a virus enters, the human body is stimulated to increase body temperature to kill it, hence fever. So try not to take paracetamol or ibuprofen to help balance your temperature as it will only prolong the symptoms. Instead, make an infusion of fresh ginger with lemon, honey, fresh turmeric and cayenne pepper. It’s actually quite tasty and will help you to stay well. I have two mugs a day. Chinese doctors actively recommend staying away from humidity (that was easy last week here in London), practising Tai Chi (not so easy if you don’t know how to) and listening to classical music (very easy)!

For an overview of turmeric, click here https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/318405#overview

To find out more about Rosanna Bickerton, click here http://www.handsonfeet.com/

I’ve tried it. Very nice, even better with a measure of whisky! -Ed

Our last effort seems to have stirred your creative juices! Sue Yateman has penned this “Call for Freedom”. A lucratve greeting card contract awaits! Keep them coming dear readers -Ed

My legs are getting hairy,
My waist, it is quite fat.
My eyebrows are most scary,
I need some help for that.

My hair is long and greying.
My nails a real disgrace.
When we are free of Covid.
I’ll get right upon the case.

The wine rack, it is empty.
The loo rolls are all gone.
We’ve had enough of lockdown.
To last our whole life long.

We haven’t seen the grandkids,
For many a long day.
We need to really hug them.
Then take them out to play.

So please, dear Boris.
Do you think, we pensioners could be free?
We’ll keep our distance, wear our masks and
Then go home for tea!

An anonymous village laureate has submitted this tribute to William Wordsworth, which we publish with pleasure -Ed

I wandered lonely as a cloud
Two metres from the maddening crowd
To enter Morrisons’ hallowed hall.
This was the pensioners’ special hour.
My wife said: “Buy a bag of flour”.
But I forgot, when through the door,
What I had gone to Morrisons’ for.
The Morrisons’ staff are very kind.
I told them it had slipped my mind.
They asked what else I had forgot
They clearly thought I’d lost the plot.
I phoned my wife again to ask.
She reminded me of this special task
“I need some flour to bake a loaf
To feed you up – you stupid oaf”
“Ah yes, of course” I had to lie.
I dared not ask what flower to buy.
But then I saw them next the tills-
A bunch of golden daffodils!

 Silas Silage makes a welcome return with his unique brand of politically incorrect and unwoke jottings….

Hello everyone! It’s some years since I last wrote for the Blog, but it’s nice to see it reappear again after a long absence, with my old friend Mrs Badger taking up her pen to welcome the cuckoo.

Talking of Mrs B, I have always felt a yearning for a closer relationship with her, and springtime brings this out in me, despite the fact that we are all locked away because of this virus thing.

I confessed my longings to my young nephew, who is much more experienced in this kind of thing than me, a solitary country widower.

He gave me some good advice and so the other night when there was a full moon I went into my barn, turned my ipod on and began to gyrate and dance in front of my 1985 Massey Ferguson muck-shifting tractor, which I had just had serviced. I was swerving and bumping just like those strippers you see in the movies, following his advice to the letter.

Suddenly the barn door flew open and there was Mike from the neighbourhood watch. He asked me what I was doing and I explained about my problem and consulting my nephew..

I explained: “He said the best thing was to do something sexy to a tractor”

I thought is was very rude of him to burst out laughing and head off, slapping his sides. No doubt it will be all round the village, so I thought, Mr Editor, that I would get my version in first.

Baffled? New readers can catch up on the old fart’s (mis)deeds by searching for “Silas Silage” in the search box in the right hand column -Ed

Marsh Lane has recently been patched and we have been promised a new surface. You may have seen the signs on the Marsh.  Roadworks starting on 27 April – expect delays. No sign of any workmen or resurfacing equipment, apart from a couple of roadsweepers to give the lane its first decent clean for a decade.

The effect was immediately ruined by a certain agricultural gentleman driving a muck -laden trailer along the lane and leaving a trail of poo.

Still no sign of any activity by Friday. What on earth is going on? 

BT Openreach engineers have discovered a wiring fault in a telephone cable junction in Horsington.

The fault was  discovered in response to residents on the Marsh complaining about their terrible broadband speed. It seems a bad connection caused the cable voltage to go to ground, resulting in a serious deterioration in speed.

The fault is being corrected as we write this, Residents down Batchpool Lane, and on Horsington Marsh can expect the service to improve over the next few days, as the broadband servers react to the improved conductivity of the carrier wires.

Your editor’s speed is now a massive 2.7Mbps, up from a derisory 1.2 Mbps. Readers from more civilised areas can be forgiven for laughing, but that’s what we have to live with here.