Silas Silage makes a welcome return with his unique brand of politically incorrect and unwoke jottings….
Hello everyone! It’s some years since I last wrote for the Blog, but it’s nice to see it reappear again after a long absence, with my old friend Mrs Badger taking up her pen to welcome the cuckoo.
Talking of Mrs B, I have always felt a yearning for a closer relationship with her, and springtime brings this out in me, despite the fact that we are all locked away because of this virus thing.
I confessed my longings to my young nephew, who is much more experienced in this kind of thing than me, a solitary country widower.
He gave me some good advice and so the other night when there was a full moon I went into my barn, turned my ipod on and began to gyrate and dance in front of my 1985 Massey Ferguson muck-shifting tractor, which I had just had serviced. I was swerving and bumping just like those strippers you see in the movies, following his advice to the letter.
Suddenly the barn door flew open and there was Mike from the neighbourhood watch. He asked me what I was doing and I explained about my problem and consulting my nephew..
I explained: “He said the best thing was to do something sexy to a tractor”
I thought is was very rude of him to burst out laughing and head off, slapping his sides. No doubt it will be all round the village, so I thought, Mr Editor, that I would get my version in first.
Baffled? New readers can catch up on the old fart’s (mis)deeds by searching for “Silas Silage” in the search box in the right hand column -Ed