We have received a mysterious communication from our racing correspondent, Winterbourne Longjohns. It is headed “B.B.S.S” and says:
“Winterborne Longjohns is most concerned by the repeated rumours that the editor of the Hoisington Blog has sold the publication to a group of West Somerset investors led by Rupert Murdoch and the Half Moon Inn. White Horses should only be followed at Cannotwin when they have been stabled at Uncle Toms Cabin.
Can anyone interpret the great man’s words? Or name the region and and vintage of whatever he imbibed before composing this? What does B.B.S.S. mean? The editor may award prizes.
We hope Winterbourne will be well enough to tell us the winners at Cannotwin before the Boxing Day meeting starts.
One wonders if W.J is missing the Countryman Column of S.S that disappeared following an excellent article on the best ways to prepare Roadkill, just before Christmas 2011. Certainly most of W.J’s horses so far might have been better consigned to a slow cooker. Could it be that S.S succumbed to food-poisoning from his jugged badger or was he stymied by his Slow crow liver pate? I think we should be told.
Maybe I can throw some light on that poor tortured soul’s outpourings. Some months ago I tried to make contact with Mr Longjohns through your wonderful Blog with a view to some form of social contact as he seemed very similar to my late husband, Mr Badger. His strange rebuff left me very saddened. Such a jealous, proud man!
He suggested (infamy!) that any social interaction between us would be out of the question while I was still in a “relationship”, as he put it, with your erstwhile gardening correspondent Mr Silas Silage.
He muttered that the Blog was likely to BBSS, and while he admired SS’s writing and literary style, he could not countenance any relationship with me while Mr SS was tending my petunias.
When I asked him what BBSS meant, he said “Bring Back Silas Silage of course” and hung up.
As I have said before, Mr Silage and I once had a professional relationship (in the garden), but he has not been seen for ages. Is he indeed coming back? I think we should be told, if only to protect the honour and dignity of ladies such as myself.
Yours,
Amelia Badger (Mrs)
Oh, what a tangled web we weave! This puts me in mind of a similar conundrum, posed to me by a correspondent to the blog’s sister publication, Woman’s Own. In that situation, it turned out that the ‘professional relationship’ was somewhat more than horticultural and that the gardener’s desire to ‘prick out and harden off’ led not only to family breakdown, but also to the destruction of a particularly fine herbaceous border.
My advice to Mrs Badger would be to think carefully about what she puts into her bed; a good, hardy perennial is likely to ultimately give far more satisfaction than a series beautifully blooming but swiftly fading specimens; even if these bring more short-term joy.
Choose wisely Mrs Badger!
I was shocked to read the comment by the famous Claire Rayner. I happened to look at the blog while I am away – I am currently enjoying Christmas and the New Year in Mustique with a “friend”. I can’t say who, but suffice it to say he is a baronet whose name may be familiar to some of your readers, and he may be occasionally seen at Wincanton racecourse.
I found the comments in rather poor taste, with rather too much innuendo than substance, and I wonder if they were indeed not from the famous agony aunt, but from a cruel imposter, probably male, who is trying to poke fun at a widowed woman whose best days are far from over.
Have no fear, “Ms Rayner”. You have been unmasked as a bounder, and certainly not the kind of gentleman who will ever grace my table, or anywhere else for that matter.
A fine reward indeed for trying to help others, particularly that nice Mr Longjohns.
For the record, Claire Rayner’s comment seemed to come from a genuine email address. Obviously, we cannot reveal the personal email addresses of correspondents -Ed
Far from losing it my old friend and jolly old soul Winterbournelongjohns can still add up a winning treble . Starting prices of 5/2 . 5/2 and then 7/2 make for a 42 /1 payout !While Saturdays winning double of 11/10 and 5/1 amount to just over 11/1 as any wounded bookmaker will confirm. Sharpen up !