The embattled BBC spent hundreds of thousands of your pounds on headhunters to recruit the last D-G, George Entwistle, who has departed after just 40 days.
They could save licence-payers the same again by appointing the editor of the Horsington Blog as the Director General. It would be nice to do something useful, and the money would come in handy.
Here’s my list of priorities.
De-layer the management. It has long been held that the BBC exists to create meaningless jobs for gobbledegook-spouting lefty middle managers. Let’s get rid of a few layers and see if it makes a difference. If the man on the Clapham omnibus doesn’t understand a BBC job title –out!
Sell off BBC 2 and 3, Radios 1 and ,2, halve the website. Use the money to improve programme quality (especially sport) and slash the licence fee.
Light a bonfire under the news. Ensure political neutrality, ban political correctness, nannyism, boring pressure group spokesmen and reporting on events before they happen. Give Humphrys a final warning on interrupting (and that Montagu woman too).
Eradicate nepotism, cronyism, luvvyism and swearing.
Ban the phrases “stepping aside”, “going forward”, “platform”, “genre” and other meaningless twaddle. “Showcase” is not a verb.
Appoint a new BBC trust. Elections anyone?
It is surely only a matter of time before they contact me for interview, but I must make it clear from the outset that I will not move to Manchester. Horsington is so much better!
A man called Neil Turner has created a Government e-petition to hold a referendum to scrap the TV licence fee. You can sign the petition here
If you would like to influence the editor’s first 100 days at the Beeb, please send in a comment.