{"id":572,"date":"2011-05-06T16:57:55","date_gmt":"2011-05-06T16:57:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/?p=572"},"modified":"2016-06-07T05:45:42","modified_gmt":"2016-06-07T05:45:42","slug":"silas-silage-ventures-into-education","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/?p=572","title":{"rendered":"Silas Silage ventures into education"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Silas<\/a>
“my unbraced trousers fall to my knees”<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
It\u2019s never too early to get the young interested in Gardening, says Silas Silage, our resident green fingered guru.
\n<\/strong><\/div>\n
One of the joys of gardening is the opportunity to share one\u2019s expertise with the young. I learnt many tricks and wrinkles from my old grandad, and I never miss an opportunity to pass on my knowledge to the next generation.<\/div>\n
A lot of your young people today could be rescued from a life of vandalism and racing around in cars, drinking cider and getting young ladies into trouble if they spent more time in the garden with an experienced older hand. (OK, we get the message \u2013Ed).
\n<\/em><\/div>\n
From time to time I do a bit of gardening at a local private girls school, which gives me an ample opportunity to educate some very posh young ladies on Mother Nature\u2019s ways. And delightful creatures they are, mostly.<\/div>\n
I always dress appropriately when I go there as it\u2019s important to be well turned out. I have some very natty camouflaged battle fatigues which I got from the Yeovil boot sale, and I must say I cut a fine military figure, although you have to be very sharp-eyed to see me, such is the\u00a0 subtlety of the dappled medley of greens, browns and yellows.<\/div>\n
This week the bursar, Major Carstairs, has asked me to have a go at the \u201cbower\u201d, a secluded leafy garden behind the swimming pool. There\u2019s a wrought iron gate covered with ivy and a notice \u201cPrivate \u2013 Upper VI Form only\u201d.<\/div>\n
I let myself in and my, what a beautiful sight. A close trimmed lawn,\u00a0 and beautiful scented arrays of flowers, lavender, sage, elephant grass, climbing roses,\u00a0neat box hedges\u00a0 and some nice topiary on the privet, all set about with garden chairs and sun loungers. A statue of a man carrying a spear and wearing a sheet, with laurel leaves around his head stares at me.<\/div>\n
It\u2019s a hot day, and the bees are a buzzin\u2019, so I prepare to take my customary pre-work forty winks before getting on with the weeding. There\u2019s no-one about, so I crawl into the shade, ease my braces, take a quick peg of elderflower whisky, and shut my eyes.<\/div>\n
I dream I am in heaven, with beautiful angels administering to my every need, bathing my temples and bringing me tasty treats, grapes and stuff.<\/div>\n
I must have been asleep for some time, because I awake to the tinkling sound of young laughter. I open my eyes to realize I am surrounded by young ladies reading books and chatting,\u00a0 and none of them are wearing anything but little string things round their bottoms. Wouldn\u2019t do for Mrs Silage, that\u2019s for sure.<\/div>\n
Omigod, they\u2019re virtually naked! Oh dear.\u00a0 Oh dear me! Luckily they haven\u2019t seen me.<\/div>\n
Just then I gets a shooting cramp in my right leg. Must be the damp ground. I leap to my
\nfeet with an agonized howl, grabbing my leg and hopping around like a mad thing. At the same moment my unbraced trousers fall to my knees. \u201cIt\u2019s a man!\u201dcries one of the girls, and they all take up the chorus like a treeful of jays. It\u2019s a man! It\u2019s a man!<\/div>\n
One of them is on the phone. \u201cIt\u2019s a man!\u201d she cries.<\/div>\n
Best to beat retreat. I grab my hoe and knapsack and begin hopping to the gate,\u00a0trousers at half mast. Just then I hear a siren. Must be a fire somewhere.<\/div>\n
I get to the gate, which is suddenly flung open to reveal a couple of blue uniforms ,and before I know where I am or can explain I find myself in the back of a\u00a0squad car handcuffed to a large policewoman who\u2026. (To be continued \u2013Ed)<\/em><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s never too early to get the young interested in Gardening, says Silas Silage, our resident green fingered guru. One of the joys of gardening is the opportunity to share one\u2019s expertise with the young. I learnt many tricks and wrinkles from my old grandad, and I never miss an opportunity to pass on my … Continue reading “Silas Silage ventures into education”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[794,2768],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-572","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humour","category-silas-silage"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6glYD-9e","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/572","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/23"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=572"}],"version-history":[{"count":19,"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/572\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4837,"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/572\/revisions\/4837"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=572"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=572"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=572"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}