{"id":3620,"date":"2015-04-01T03:13:21","date_gmt":"2015-04-01T03:13:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/?p=3620"},"modified":"2015-03-31T22:46:36","modified_gmt":"2015-03-31T22:46:36","slug":"dont-go-near-the-water","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/?p=3620","title":{"rendered":"Don\u2019t go near the water!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Horsington Pond infested with killer fish \u2013 did the butler do it?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Horsington<\/a>
It may look like a peaceful village pond to you, but what’s under the surface?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

There\u2019s something nasty beneath the calm pellucid waters of Horsington Pond. It seems a flock (er-what? \u2013Ed<\/em>) of carnivorous fish have made their way into the pond, and are making a meal of anyone \u2013 or their feet at least – who goes near the water.<\/p>\n

The fish are a breed called garra rufa obtusas<\/em>, or \u201cDoctor fish\u201d, used for carrying out so-called fish pedicures in spas and hairdressers. The little blighters nibble away at all your dead skin, treating any infections and returning your feet to pristine condition.<\/p>\n

So how did they get into the pond?\u00a0 Police are dismissing the theory that they escaped from a local hairdressing salon on the grounds that there are no hairdressers upstream of the pond. However the brook which feeds the pond passes through the gardens of, or near, some of Horsington\u2019s most prestigious and expensive residences \u2013 including Horsington House, Horsington Manor and the Grange, and the area is known for its upmarket and well-heeled residents.<\/p>\n

Police believe that someone may have kept the animals as domestic pets, using them for the occasional toe job. Then, perhaps while they were away, a well-meaning cleaner or butler may have accidently pulled the plug.<\/p>\n

The bad news is that these creatures only eat human skin and flesh, and no-one knows what a domesticated strain will do when they are released into the wild. As a result, cautionary warning notices have been erected around the pond and people have been advised to keep away.<\/p>\n

\"Horsington<\/a>
You have been warned!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

However, animal rights activists have claimed that to deprive the fish of human flesh will starve them, and this amounts to terrible and unwarranted cruelty.<\/p>\n

Is our quiet village going to be besieged by activists and fish campaigners? \u00a0Or overrun by foot tourists? Will it put local hairdressers out of business? Local politicians better be prepared, as it\u2019s a potential vote loser in the sensitive run-up to the elections.<\/p>\n

We understand\u00a0\u00a0 a SSDC meeting to discuss the matter , scheduled for April 1st,<\/sup> has been mysteriously postponed.<\/p>\n

We shall, of course, keep you informed!<\/p>\n

\"Anonymous<\/a>
Anonymous Horsington residents take advantage of the disaster for a free body scrub<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
\"Horsington<\/a>
Horsington Pond in happier times<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Horsington Pond infested with killer fish \u2013 did the butler do it? There\u2019s something nasty beneath the calm pellucid waters of Horsington Pond. It seems a flock (er-what? \u2013Ed) of carnivorous fish have made their way into the pond, and are making a meal of anyone \u2013 or their feet at least – who goes … Continue reading “Don\u2019t go near the water!”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[794,2757],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3620","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humour","category-news"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6glYD-Wo","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3620","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/23"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3620"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3620\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3632,"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3620\/revisions\/3632"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3620"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3620"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3620"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}