{"id":2142,"date":"2012-10-23T16:49:41","date_gmt":"2012-10-23T16:49:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/?p=2142"},"modified":"2012-11-30T19:02:05","modified_gmt":"2012-11-30T19:02:05","slug":"literary-corner-50-sheds-of-grey","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/?p=2142","title":{"rendered":"Literary corner : 50 sheds of grey"},"content":{"rendered":"

The novel “Fifty Shades Of Grey” has appently delighted women – but\u00a0baffled blokes. Now\u00a0a spoof, Fifty Sheds Of Grey*, offers a treat for the men. The book’s author, Colin Grey, recounts his love encounters at the bottom of the garden. Here are some extracts…<\/strong><\/p>\n

*<\/strong>Amazon,\u00a36.99, or \u00a30.74 on Kindle <\/a><\/p>\n

\u00a0Fifty Sheds Of Grey<\/strong><\/p>\n

“We tried various positions – round the back, on the side, up against a wall… But in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.”<\/p>\n

“She stood before me, trembling in my shed. “I’m yours for the night,” she gasped, “You can do whatever you want with me.” So I took her to Nando’s.”<\/p>\n

“She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came. I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.”<\/p>\n

“Ever since she read THAT book, I’ve had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles. She still manages to get into the shed, though.”<\/p>\n

“Put on this rubber suit and mask,” I instructed, calmly. “Mmmm, kinky!” she purred. “Yes,” I said, “You can’t be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof.”<\/p>\n

“I’m a very naughty girl,” she said, biting her lip. “I need to be punished.” So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.<\/p>\n

“Harder!” she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. “Harder!” “Okay,” I said. “What’s the gross national product of Nicaragua?”<\/p>\n

“I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window. Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.”<\/p>\n

“Are you sure you can take the pain?” she demanded, brandishing stilettos. “I think so,” I gulped. “Here we go, then,” she said, and showed me the receipt.<\/p>\n

“Hurt me!” she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench. “Very well,” I replied. “You’ve got fat ankles and no dress sense.”<\/p>\n

“Are you sure you want this?” I asked. “When I’m done, you won’t be able to sit down for weeks.” She nodded. “Okay,” I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.<\/p>\n

“Punish me!” she cried. “Make me suffer like only a real man can!” “Very well,” I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.<\/p>\n

“Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously,” she said, gently massaging my back as we listened to her Coldplay CD.<\/p>\n

Looks like it’s the ultimate “must have” book for the loo this Christmas -Ed<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The novel “Fifty Shades Of Grey” has appently delighted women – but\u00a0baffled blokes. Now\u00a0a spoof, Fifty Sheds Of Grey*, offers a treat for the men. The book’s author, Colin Grey, recounts his love encounters at the bottom of the garden. Here are some extracts… *Amazon,\u00a36.99, or \u00a30.74 on Kindle \u00a0Fifty Sheds Of Grey “We tried … Continue reading “Literary corner : 50 sheds of grey”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[794],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2142","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humour"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6glYD-yy","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2142","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/23"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2142"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2142\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2145,"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2142\/revisions\/2145"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2142"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2142"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/horsington.blog2.idnet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2142"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}