Mrs Badger writes . . .

Good morning ma’am, we are always happy to hear from you-Ed.

Dear Mr Editor,

I have been following your new racing correspondent Winterbourne Longjohns with great interest, and not inconsiderable  profit, and I wonder if there is some way you could introduce me to him. My late husband (my third, alas) was a noted point-to-point rider in his day, and there was nothing he liked better than a joyous gallop over the jumps. But I digress!

Perhaps he knew Winterbourne Longjohns? There is nothing I would like more than to sit with your esteemed tipster and reminisce about the good old days at Goodwood, Badbury Rings and Charlton Horethorne over a glass of two of something special. I should also like an opportunity to reward him for the good fortune he has brought me.

Do you know who he is? Could you perhaps furnish a photographic likeness of him?

Yours, fondly,

Amelia Badger (Mrs)

LongjohnsWinterbourne is a very private man. When I say he shares a postcode (well part of it) with Her majesty the Queen, you will surely understand that we have to be discreet. However he does make the occasional foray into Somerset,  often for the Wincanton race meeting associated with your good name. He asks whether you are perchance connected with that great brewing dynasty responsible for Badger ale?

A positive answer, he assures me, may result in a rapid take up of your kind invitation.

Meanwhile, here is a picture of Winterbourne Longjohns, not taken in the Royal enclosure at Ascot.

Up the Downs

A view from the  stable yard by our man of the turf, Winterbourne Longjohns.

The Blog is fortunate to have secured the services of the first class racing tipster, Winterbourne Longjohns. His maiden column is timely, for today is a Wincanton race day. Our tipster has been a lifelong reader of the Horsington Blog, but he brings an altogether new style, a welcome relief from the stark, functional prose of your editor.

Over to you, Winterbourne. . .

On this auspicious date I thought that you should be the first to know that  owing to  my strained financial situation I have now reluctantly decided to come out from a long and hard earned retirement and once again take up the rigours and shackles of employment.

I have no doubt that this will come as some considerable shock to you but as from today’s date I will be working as the National Hunt correspondent of the Horsington Blog covering the jump racing scene under the pseudonym Winterbourne Longjohns ,while my alter ego Swinley Bottom will from time to time advise the Blog’s readers and subscribers on flat racing prospects.

It may interest you to learn that Swinley’s first 2014 selection Orienteering, an Andre Fabre trained Juddmont home bred three year old from whom all expect a great deal, will be running at St Cloud later today. Incidentally Swinley Bottom’s European counterpart Captain Krumpnick can be reached c/o The Hayloft . L’ Ecurie des Nags, Chantilly , France and we very much hope that he will be able to provide us with profitable overseas information from time to time.

The thought has occured to me that with such world class information at my finger tips  my syndicated services might be of interest to such other magazines as Prospect, The Fortean Times  and Horse and Hound and I will be pursuing this possibility in due course of time. Hoping that this statement of intent proves as exciting to you as it does to me.

My Wincanton selections are all Harry Fry horses, viz 2.45pm Presenting Arms. 4.15pm Henryville. 4,45 pm Oscars Lad . 5.15pm Jolly Allan.  (looks like he’s going for a Yankee –Ed). Then I am going very strongly on Actival in the 2.oopm at Aintree, and Rock on Ruby in the 3.o5pm the following day.

My Grand National  (which will be shown in the Half Moon during the Music and Craft Festival on Saturday) selections are Tea for Two (Surely Teaforthree? –Ed)  and Shakalakaboomboom.

Well, there you are. We wish everyone the best of luck. Can’t wait for your next dispatch, Winterbourne.

Winterbourne . . . Really!

Horsington to declare war on Milborne Port in Twinning row?

Twin2An ugly spat has broken out between two Somerset villages over a controversial “Twinning” arrangement.

It was all the rage in the 1980’s to “twin” with a similar town in France or Germany, so all the bigwigs could go on expenses-paid “fact finding tours” and come back with loads of cheap (or even free) booze.

Milborne Port, famous for its, award-winning opera company, has gone one better and is twinned with Utopia, an island in the centre of the Pacific Ocean.

Now they are up in arms because Horsington wants to get in on the act.Twin3

It all started when the EU’s External Action Service (equivalent to the UK’s Foreign Office/Overseas Aid department) began throwing money at Utopia for wind farm development. Then, before you could say “Geoffrey Boycott”, they were giving grants to Utopia’s cricket school, and finally their tourism website.

Before long it was rumoured that leading citizens from Milborne Port were flying off to the Pacific and indulging in so-called “cultural exchanges”, the considerable cost of which was being borne by the EU. (And therefore YOU, the British Taxpayer –Ed)

This tourism website picture shows the kind of people visitors on "Twinning" trips might meet
This Utopia tourism website picture shows the kind of people visitors on twinning trips might meet during “cultural exchanges”.

Sure enough, Milborne Port  then announced that it was to stage a lavish production of Gilbert & Sullivan’s rarely-performed comic opera “Utopia Limited” in the village hall, a clear case of bribery,  favouritism, nepotism and patronage (Steady –Ed). The Opera is about what happens on a Pacific island when British management consultants get involved.

Horsington’s gripe is that a number of Milborne Port performers live, or have lived, in Horsington and believe that it  is deeply unfair that Horsington should miss out on a potential investment  and cultural bonanza. Chris Bailward, a longtime resident of Horsington and member of the MPO told the blog “If anyone who should go on all-expenses paid trips to the South Pacific during the wettest winter on record, it is us. It can be very damp on the Marsh.”

Neil Edwards, spokesperson for the Milborne Port Twinning Association responded angrily:” I cannot believe the cheek of Horsington to even attempt something like this. They’ve overstepped the mark. Milborne Port has a long standing tradition of twinning, already sharing links with  the town of Rederring which is on the border between Denmark and the UK and of course, Titipu, Japan. The Utopia Chamber of Commerce left me in no doubt that any approach from Horsington would be met with stern opposition there. If you ask me, Horsington should twin themselves with Brigadoon and disappear for a century”.

Utopia's celebrity magazine seems familiar - and so do its celebrities!
Utopia’s celebrity magazine seems familiar – and so do its celebrities!

The blog has looked at the Utopia website and admits that Utopia is a fascinating place, well worth a visit

It even has its own celebrity magazine.

Several of the members of the ruling clique look strangely familiar. Click on the image on the left to enter the website.

1 April 2014

Click on image to see MPO's web magazine
Click on image to see MPO’s web magazine

BloggoVision Special – When dogs get bored

BloggoVision

 

 

You may have seen the recent TV programme “The secret lives of dogs”.
No problem with our dogs, clearly some of the most intelligent on the planet.
Who knows what they’ll come up with if we leave them alone for long enough?
http://www.youtube.com/embed/AA56LgpFbSw?rel=0
The technical name for this is a Rube Goldberg Machine, named after the American cartoonist. More. . .

You will need to click on the hyperlink to see the video. We do not know why the video is not being displayed properly -ED

How’s Your Welsh (2)

Following on from our previous story, Tim Inglefield, a member of the South Somerset District Council, has sent in more examples of local authority lunacy, this time in the planning and works departments. Of course, it couldn’t happen in South Somerset, Tim

image (16)
image (1)

Mrs Badger writes. . . .

It’s that woman again. She writes . .

Dear Editor,

Can you do something about the many builders and plumbers I encounter who insist on wearing ill-fitting trousers which display an unsightly “builders’ crack” whenever they bend down to tighten a nut, or whatever it is they are doing?

You might like to try one of these novelty T-shirts, available in any good German department store -Ed

Builders

Revealed: MoD’s secret spot in Horsington

At first sight it's just an everyday disused privy
At first sight it’s just an everyday disused privy

A large, secret, underground complex has been discovered beneath a wood near Horsington. Its purpose is not clear, but he Ministry of Defence’s fingerprints are all over it. Expect property prices in the area to fall.

The Blog literally stumbled upon the secret complex while exercising dogs in the wood, which is on private property, but which can be accessed by tracked vehicles from the old railway line.

There has been a noticeable increase in digging activity recently, with a lot of heavy plant and machinery on the roads. Large lorries carrying away heaps of spoil have been seen, and there are still piles of earth and dead trees littering the landscape.

The work has been done under cover of improving the drainage on the marsh, but the true purpose was revealed when the entrance to the secret complex was discovered.

Or is it?
Or is it?

It looks for all the world like a disused privy in the corner of a remote wood. But who would put a privy there? Then health and safety-obsessed officials gave the game away by posting safety notices on the entrance door while work was in progress on the site and personnel were below ground.

The Blog’s security adviser, a retired colonel who lives in nearby Yenston told us “This a classic MI5 trick. The chemical toilet lifts away to reveal a shaft leading underground, just the sort of thing the chaps did to hide tunnels in WW2 prison camps”.

The landlord of the Half Moon has reported that there have been quite a few mysterious guests at the pub recently. “They leave early and come back late. They never go to the bar and they talk in a foreign language.”

“This is typical of MI5”, the colonel told us. “Just the sort of cunning stunt and double bluff they would engage in!”

Nobody warned us -they just did it
Nobody warned us -they just did it

Other tell tale signs of something going on are the unusual concentration of large solar power farms in the immediate area, the unannounced closure of roads at short notice, alterations and interruptions to the water supply, and major work on the telecommunications infrastructure involving traffic control on the A357.

We tried to confront our local councillor, William Wallace, with the facts on April 1st and asked if he would comment, but an aide told us that he was unavailable as he was “on a mission in Africa”.

It is all highly suspicious, and we promise to keep readers informed.

Not the Half Moon music night – or is it?

BloggoVisionReports are filtering in that Music Nights at the Half Moon are getting lively. And now someone has sent BloggoVision a video which they assure us was filmed in the Half Moon. We don’t believe it -the flat hat is a giveaway! The decor looks different. And they are far too lively. But enjoy anyway.

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSIUf2hD6Io&feature=plc

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